Friday, February 20, 2009

we are in a downturn

no duh. actually i originally entitled this post "things suck" but then i remembered that my last post used the word suck in it as well. i don't usually like to be that blatantly redundant. hence the suckless title.

i've been down lately, which is really the thoughts behind the title. the economy really doesn't make much of a difference to me. and i can't really understand the news. oh i understand what the journalists are saying. i write for god sakes. i just don't understand the concept of listening to rich journalist/celebrities talk about what real americans are thinking. how do they know? you know who pisses me off the most...that cokie roberts. god i hate her. if she were here right now, i'd show her my teeth.

the other day i met a cat online. i usually like to chase cats. but it is next to impossible to chase cats on the computer. when i'm being walked and that scent just waffles to my nose. makes the hair on my back stand up. i have to start pulling the leash. i have to chase. must chase. must run. not sure what i would do if i ever caught up to the cat. i'll leave that up to your imagination.

so the cat's name is kierkegaard. can you believe it? kierkegaard is old, wise and doesn't do anything but chat on the computer when his peeps are gone. talk about depressing. he completely lives up to his name. we had this long talk about abraham sacrificing isaac the other morning. all i wanted to talk about was bureaucracy and he kept coming back to existential angst. now i'll grant you he has some pretty interesting insights. although what a downer. now i'm no clown, i admit. i can bring readers down as quickly as the next dog, but look out for kierkegaard especially if you are prone to depression. this should not be interpreted as a slam on that cat. he is pretty great and damn what a mind. but it seems like in this day and age all the smart ones are depressing. guess that is what happens after eight years of being ruled by a complete amoral idiot.

oh and another thing. i overheard someone at the bus stop saying that this down economy is clinton's fault. they said there is a lag in the timing of the economy. she said that in 8 years we'll all experience the bush boom. can you believe the stupidity of some people? just had to get that off my chest. now if i wanted to be nice i'd say that no one likes to admit that their entire philosophical under girding and belief system is completely fucked. because what would that leave you? everything you believed in has been proven unequivocally fucked. doesn't leave much to live for. so instead of blaming your heroes and their beliefs and policies you come up with a cockamamie excuse. and since there is nothing in your head anyway, the fox news talking points make a great crutch to lean on.

thanks kierkegaard.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

pet blogs suck

so as a dog i'm a pack animal by nature. pack meaning social. and of course like any self-respecting dog there is almost nothing i like more than hanging with the gang and terrorizing the neighborhood. on the rare occasion that i can sneak out of the house i like to find willy, fido and brutus and wander around aimlessly. if we see someone walking they better look out, because we are the baddest dogs in the hood. you know we'd never hurt anyone, unless they look at us askance. thankfully they usually see us coming and get out of our way.

so back to the topic at hand and enough of the macho bravado. so the other day i was surfing the world wide web and i came across a story on salon about pet trends that suck. the author talks about pet blogs. not blogs written about pets, but blogs written by pets. wink wink nudge nudge. i hate that kind of shit. i followed some of the links that this author gave us and ms. rolnick is right on. i've never really looked for pet blogs. they suck. "today i sucked on my toes" today, master played ball with me for two whole hours. aren't i the luckiest dog in the whole world?" "he brushed and pet me for an hour while he watched america's most wanted. i love my master." fooey. banal pet blogs secretly written by the big ones suck.

but the good part of this is that it just shows how unique my blog is. i might be the only pet blog actually written by a dog. that is why the salon article didn't mention kafka. that is why max the retriever didn't respond to my emails. all the other pet blogs are shams. pet blogs are written by people or really really stupid dogs.

Friday, February 13, 2009

something of a breakthrough

i've always wondered what is the fascination with breaking ice that the big one has. yes you know i love the pow pow. we do live in vail for god sakes. there is nothing quite like running through the freshies with your mouth wide open and your neck tilted down so that your open mouth scoops up the white gold. if you are a warm weather dog....i'm sorry.

but that is what i like. the big one and the little one like to break ice. i've never understood. on walks, especially in the spring when the snow begins to melt, the big one always walks me close to the edge of the street so he can walk on the fragile ice and break it. maybe it is the sound that it makes. maybe it is his way of destroying something without the usual consequences of destruction. maybe it is just the sound. i wasn't sure until this morning. because until this morning i've never experienced the sublime pleasure of breakage.

today on our walk i moved out from behind him onto his left and then i passed him and quickly swerved right in front of his marching feet. this brought me squarely onto the ice shelf that lines the right side of the road. my mind was thinking how cool it was that now that i'm directly in front of him i can control his speed. but just as soon as that thought registered i felt the ground give. i stepped through the ice shelf. i heard the crack and crunch. i felt the ground break beneath my right front foot. damn that felt good. kafka, the destroyer. i tried and tried to repeat the task, but to no avail.

but now i know one of the joys of being a crusher of ice. my envy of the big one has increased by a degree.

Sunday, February 08, 2009

i don't

i don't usually do this but they might be home any second and i don't have the time for a complete post. so i'm just going to post this url from the onion. enjoy: dog story.